Inherited hunger: Peace with food through Family Constellations

Present Suffering, Ancient Roots

The relationship between family systemic dynamics and nourishment disorders is deeply interconnected, as family systems often play a significant role in shaping an individual’s behaviors, beliefs, and emotional expression patterns. Somatically, this also shows up in form, posture, gesture, the expression of our movement and voice as well as in the home base of the nervous system – whether we are more prone to sympathetic or dorsal responses in relationship.

Here’s an in-depth look at how these factors interact:

1. Family Dynamics and Emotional Expression

In many families, emotional expression may be suppressed, misunderstood, or ignored. For instance if emotions like anger, sadness, or fear are not validated within the family, individuals may turn to food as a means of physiologically expressing or numbing these feelings. A child might learn to “carry” the family’s emotional pain silently, which could manifest as disordered eating behaviors. These behaviors might be quietly trying to get the child attention or care, but instead they end up causing more disconnection.

2. Role Assignments in the Family System

In systemic family theory, every member often unconsciously takes on a role to maintain the family’s balance (e.g. the “peacemaker,” the “scapegoat,” the “overachiever”). These roles can contribute to disordered eating: a child who becomes the family’s “problem solver” may develop perfectionist tendencies, leading to rigid control over food and weight as a way to maintain order. A “scapegoat” may adopt disordered eating as a way to draw attention to underlying family conflicts or traumas.

3. Intergenerational Trauma and Family Loyalties

Systemic therapy often uncovers intergenerational trauma or unconscious family loyalties, where individuals repeat patterns or “carry” unresolved emotions from previous generations. An individual might unconsciously “carry” a parent’s unresolved grief, shame, or guilt, manifesting it through their relationship with food. Eating behaviors can symbolize an unspoken family secret, acting as a means to externalize and express hidden pain or conflict. In other words the symptom is just the smoke, but the fire may have been started by someone else a long time ago.

4. Boundaries and Enmeshment

Families with enmeshment (over-involvement in each other’s lives) or rigid boundaries can create unhealthy dynamics in their offspring. Enmeshed families may fail to support the processes of individuation and separation, leading to a sense of suffocation, which some may cope with by controlling their eating habits or using food to express their pain. Rigid families with strict rules and high expectations may foster rebellion or coping through disordered eating behaviors. Food may become the metaphor for “keeping parents out” or only wanting the parents interference in matters that don’t concern the heart.

5. Parental Influence and Modeling

Parents often shape their children’s relationship with food, body image, and self-worth. If a parent exhibits disordered eating behaviors or body image issues, these patterns can unconsciously be adopted by the child. Messages about food, such as reward/punishment systems (“You can have dessert if you finish your vegetables”) or diet-focused conversations, can create unhealthy associations with eating. Assigning moral value to food or making food seem “toxic” or scary can also create food suffering in children.

6. The Need for Control and Self – agency

Eating disorders are often about reclaiming control in situations where individuals feel powerless. In families with systemic disorders, power imbalances or unresolved conflicts can leave individuals feeling helpless, leading them to food as a way to regain a sense of agency.